Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Samizdat .

Forwarded to me by a pal from Richmond IPMS:

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years; It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Monday, February 16, 2009

"I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok....."

There's a meme going 'round over at Facebook,'25 Random Things About Me'; a colleague and pal tagged me, so I am "it" . Needing content for the blog because any rabbiting away at the confuser I do is for my employer, I am including my tedious reply of details from my boring life. Yes it is that way Over Here now.

1. I wish I had more time. I asked the dr. after my heart attacks how long? and he said 10-20 yrs. It's been 10 now. Yeah, more time would be nice.
2. Irregardless of swimming lessons at Whitman's Pond, I cannot swim.
3. The fastest I have ever been in an car is 120, on a crappy NE street, not the highway, in a Sunbeam 8. You want to talk of ass clenching fear.....
4. I wore an ascot in 9th grade. Ass. I could easily be a dandy (but never a fop).
5. I have fired many rounds, from .22 short to 105mm main gun. Loved it.
6. I love classical music and instrumental jazz; I am too familiar with Pat Boone's work.
7. I dislike practical jokes.
8. I have seen the Aurora Borealis.
9. The highest award I have received was being asked to go pick up my boss's and a colleagues' children.
10. I jus' loves a good explosion.
11. I would have liked to have a couple daughters to help me at the recycling center, etc.
12. I grew up in the best time to be a kid.
13. I can kick your ass at Jeopardy.
14. I am having a hard time deciding retirement projects:
I.Raising the meanest rodeo bulls in Christendom.
II.Owning a theater in a college town that shows really cool films .
III.Owning a laundromat.
IV.Getting that greeter job at the recycling center so I get first dibs on the giveaway pile.....
15. Movies in a one screen small town theater, well kept: heaven.
16. I miss my brother. Lots.
17. But not MA: now, it is a nice place to visit....
18. I was the oldest man (31) in my Basic Training Company.
19. The high tolerance for exercise PT gave me probably saved my life in 1998.
20. My brother fishes; I do not. Used to hunt with my brother, not any more.
21. I own a shitload of books.
22. I have run over 7 automobiles while driving a tank. My TC ordered me too.
23. Best years of my life: 1984-1990.
24. I reallyreally like working with smart creative people.
25. I want to recreate the banana breakfast from Gravity's Rainbow, the greatest 20th cent. American novel.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

"You go now. You been here four hour": Tales of the Buffet life.

First rule of buffet: "Don't be a hero. Pace yourself".

I don't know about your grid square, here in the Yellow Tavern Quadrant we have several "Super" or "King" or even "Golden" Chinese buffets. Henrico county has a Brazilian buffet; meat eater's paradise I'd imagine. The clever boys have taken food and mass production techniques and slapped 'em right down on my streets.Always a decent trencherman, I investigate so others may be spared the tedium or calories. Swell. Let's eat.

Sorry,chowhounds: the best hot and sour soup on the planet may be found at Little Hunan, a Mom and Uncle place in Ashland, 'Center of the Universe'. They don't need no stinkin' buffet there.

My fa-vo-rite in the Richmond area is the "Super King Buffet" on West Broad. The place has a quarter mile of food, and is pleasantly decorated. It is America's bounty boomeranged, with a Chinese return address. Step across the bridge over the stream, look down on the carp. On the other side of the bridge there is a great "v" of food, steam rising; on the side the Sushi guys are rolling and cutting.The always busy Mongolian barbecue sizzles in the back . "Heaven on the half shell".The night I took my brother,down on a rare visit,they had frog's legs and Alaskan King Crab legs.If you want to avoid fried stuff, there is always a roasted or grilled whole fish available. Vivid green Chinese vegetables in all kinds of sauces abound. The waitresses seem right out of the container:they know just enough English to work there, start making the transportation nut. I bet it is a beaut.

The Missus and I attended my youngest niece's wedding in Snow Hill, NC, this past weekend. Sunday,on our return up the road to Richmond, we stumbled across Ruth's, a Barbecue (NC style: pulled, slowcooked to fallin' off the bone pork with a vinegar based sauce.There is a shhhhhhhh now,softly, ketchup based school,considered heretical thereabouts; I am sure people have been shot over this topic) buffet. The pig was ok, with a nice sauce; another item,the fried chicken, was sublime.The coating was light and well seasoned,while strong enough to hold in the moisture, the pieces perfectly fried. We had to get a movin', so my leisurely pace of an afternoon at the buffet will have to wait for a revisit.